Russian superstitions are strange, funny, and though they are well documented, the topic remains a favorite for satire. The explanation is very simple: there are a lot — a lot — of superstitions in Russia. So many actually, that one cannot delve through all of them in just one go. If a black cat crosses your path, your day will be filled with bad luck. Don’t offer someone an even number of flowers. Well, that is unless said person happens to be dead.
We bring you another compilation of Russian superstitions and the one universal solution on how to shoo away bad luck using wood, saliva, and a mirror.
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
Here are a few recommendations to take you through the most important stages of life. For no other reason than this: growing up is hard and you will need all the help you can get!
On marriage
A bride should never wear open-toe shoes at her wedding because all of her blessings will leak through the slit.
On having children
No gifts before the baby is born. Women should not cut their hair throughout the pregnancy, but nobody really knows why. Finally, complimenting newborn babies may put them in the spotlight of evil forces. Don’t do it. No one wants to harm an innocent child!
On life and death
It bodes well for a wedding party to encounter a funeral procession. Indeed who can argue that for new things to bloom, old things must die.
FOR ANIMAL LOVERS
Spider and Bird Droppings
Though a black cat crossing your path is a bad omen in Russia, animals can also turn your day around for the better. Spiders for instance, these multi-legged frightful creatures, are believed to bring good news. Similarly, the unfortunate experience of receiving bird droppings turns out to bring good luck. So here’s to always looking at the positive side of things!
HOW IKEA ITEMS IN YOUR KITCHEN CAN PREDICT THE FUTURE
The Pursuit of Happiness
In Russia, breaking plates, cups and glasses supposedly bodes well for the future and brings happiness. There is a common wedding tradition requiring newlyweds to throw their champagne flutes over their shoulders after emptying them. Indeed, what wouldn’t you do for love?
Fortune Cookie Cutlery
Russians are a hospitable bunch. This is why they use cutlery to predict who will be stopping by for tea. If you drop a tablespoon to the floor, expect a female visitor. If you drop a knife, expect a male guest. See that’s how easy it is to be a fortune teller.
MAN IN THE MIRROR
Don’t Forget!
If you leave the house hastily and find that you must come back for something you forgot, a mirror will come in handy. Turning back on your steps is a bad omen in Russia. If you absolutely must however, take a few seconds to stare at your reflection in the mirror and you’ll be off the hook!
THE FRIEND ZONE
Friendships are Important
There’s a saying in Russia: “Better to have a hundred friends than a hundred Roubles”. Indeed friendships are important, and to protect these bonds from evil forces, certain rules must be followed.
How NOT to say goodbye
Don’t say goodbye while standing on both sides of the threshold of a doorway, it will lead to an argument. The same will happen if you break a handhold by going around a lamppost from both sides. However, if the worst comes to worst , the relationship can still be saved if both parties say “hello for a 100 years” right after!
Lastly, if you step on a friend’s foot, they have to step on yours as well to prevent an argument.
Salty Sweet
If you inadvertently pour salt on the floor while cooking, expect a quarrel. But since you were already in the kitchen, you can just pour some sugar over it and thus restore your karmic peace. Another alternative, just draw a cross in the scattered salt.
STUDENT HACKS
Exams
One should never go to an exam wearing new clothes. One may never wash their hair the day before an exam. This would risk washing away all accumulated knowledge.
Rituals
This one is a favorite in the Peterhof dormitories of Saint Petersburg State University. At midnight, on the night preceding important exams, one must open the window and scream ‘Halyava pridi’ (‘Come thee freebie’). In this way they summon knowledge back to them.
Disclaimer: success not guaranteed!
THE WALL STREET JOURNAL
Abba sings: “Money money money! Must be funny! In the rich man’s world”, but Russian folklore offers concrete advice on how to manage your finances.
No Whistling
Whistling at night will bring one financial troubles and bad luck in general.
Poverty Purses
When you give someone a purse, make sure there is a coin inside. Unless of course it’s an ill-intended gift and you wish endless poverty upon that person.
Million Dollar Baby
On the bright side, there are also ways to know whether being rich is in the cards for you at all. Unintentionally wearing your clothes backwards is directly linked to your financial prospects.
Also, when someone you know sees right past you because of a new haircut, don’t take offense. It is actually great news because not being recognized by friends and family is also a sign of future riches.
SAFE JOURNEY
Travelling is always a bit stressful. Packing, remembering your passport, and let’s face it, turbulence is scary! Russians have devised a verified technique to ensure that all goes smoothly on a long journey.
Sit Down!
After the hassle of packing is complete, right before you step outside and officially begin your trip, you must always — always — sit in silence for a few minutes. But don’t you worry too much if you forget to do it once or twice. Our colleague Valery, who almost never fails to accomplish the ritual says that you can still make it without doing this. Only it is never recommended to mess with in-flight safety!
Some of these superstitions are widely known and some were gathered interviewing people at random. Unfortunately, most are negative forebodings and perhaps that would explain why Russians are known to never smile. Who would want to smile when their day, friendships, nay, their whole lives are threatened on a daily basis?
But do not despair. We have uncovered a verified way to counter these evils. Olga, who studies International Affairs at SPBU knows a lot about superstitions. She believes in most of them and shared with us the “one universal solution” to turn one’s luck around when faced with misfortune. Either knock on wood to keep away from harm or spit three times over you left shoulder. ‘Better yet, do both, one can never be too sure!’
source: http://www.prospektmag.com/2015/11/friday13th/
Showing posts with label funny things. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny things. Show all posts
How do the Russians laugh online?
Like the Greeks do:
Because we have cyrillic alphabet, obviously. Ха-ха-ха.
Compare with 555, jajaja and others here:
How People Express Laughter in Different Languages Around the World
Because we have cyrillic alphabet, obviously. Ха-ха-ха.
Compare with 555, jajaja and others here:
How People Express Laughter in Different Languages Around the World
Russian stereotypes of IT employees (with cute pictures)
Source: https://www.behance.net/gallery/31138923/IT-characters
Britain's Got Talent (Russian bearded guy)
Vladimir's 45 and for some reason he went to Britain's Got Talent.
With his Russian accent and his trampoline.
Not so funny or scary but rather weird instead.
With his Russian accent and his trampoline.
Not so funny or scary but rather weird instead.
Towards yourself... in a tender way
Sometimes you call for taxi and when it comes, you place yourself inside and see the sticker "don't slam the door, close it in a tender way please".
Creators of this old sign probably wanted to say the same but wrote more of the instruction "how to kiss a girl".
"Towards yourself... in a tender way"
Painting or not painting, that's not the question
This is so normal for Moscow: paint something old till it's uncomfortable; then stop.
Also it always makes me sad that street fences are being painted without cleaning / tearing old paint off. Every year! So fences look a bit like xMas tree.
Some weird Russian traditions
Another nice list:
Before leaving for a long journey travelers, and all those who are seeing them off, must sit for a moment in silence before leaving the house. It is often conveniently written off as a time to sit and think of anything one may have forgotten.
It is bad luck to use physical hand gestures to demonstrate something negative using oneself or someone else as the object. For example, when describing a scar you saw on someone's face you should not gesture on your own face or someone else's. If you must, you can demonstrate in mid-air. If one does it without realizing, it can be countered by making a hand motion towards the body part used and then an abrupt motion away (as if to pick up the bad energy and throw it away) or by wiping the area with your hand and then blowing on your hand (as if to wipe off the bad energy and then blow it away)
If one person accidentally steps on another person's foot, it is common for the person who was stepped on to lightly step on the foot of the person who stepped first. It is said that they thus avoid a future conflict.
Birthday parties should be celebrated on or after one's birthday, not before. So when one's birthday falls during the week, it's best to celebrate the following weekend. And never give someone birthday wishes before their birthday.
Talking about future success, especially boasting about it, is considered bad luck. It is considered better to be silent until the success has been achieved or to even sound pessimistic.
Returning home for forgotten things is a bad omen. It is better to leave it behind, but if returning is necessary, one should look in the mirror before leaving the house again. Otherwise the journey will be bad.
It is often considered taboo to step over people, or parts of their body, who are on the ground. It is often said that it will prevent the person from growing (if they are not fully grown already). It is better to politely ask the person to move or to find a way around them. If one accidentally steps over a person (or people), it is sometimes standard to step backwards over them.
If one asks another person to see the ring, after taking it and observing carefully the ring must be placed onto the surface and be worn only after this.
One should not to shake hands or give something through a threshold.
It is considered taboo to give something that is broken or has a defect as a gift.
Before one takes an exam, someone else would say, "neither fur, nor feather!" which means good luck. To this, the one taking the exam would reply, "To the Devil!" which is a way of securing good luck.
Before leaving for a long journey travelers, and all those who are seeing them off, must sit for a moment in silence before leaving the house. It is often conveniently written off as a time to sit and think of anything one may have forgotten.
It is bad luck to use physical hand gestures to demonstrate something negative using oneself or someone else as the object. For example, when describing a scar you saw on someone's face you should not gesture on your own face or someone else's. If you must, you can demonstrate in mid-air. If one does it without realizing, it can be countered by making a hand motion towards the body part used and then an abrupt motion away (as if to pick up the bad energy and throw it away) or by wiping the area with your hand and then blowing on your hand (as if to wipe off the bad energy and then blow it away)
If one person accidentally steps on another person's foot, it is common for the person who was stepped on to lightly step on the foot of the person who stepped first. It is said that they thus avoid a future conflict.
Birthday parties should be celebrated on or after one's birthday, not before. So when one's birthday falls during the week, it's best to celebrate the following weekend. And never give someone birthday wishes before their birthday.
Talking about future success, especially boasting about it, is considered bad luck. It is considered better to be silent until the success has been achieved or to even sound pessimistic.
Returning home for forgotten things is a bad omen. It is better to leave it behind, but if returning is necessary, one should look in the mirror before leaving the house again. Otherwise the journey will be bad.
It is often considered taboo to step over people, or parts of their body, who are on the ground. It is often said that it will prevent the person from growing (if they are not fully grown already). It is better to politely ask the person to move or to find a way around them. If one accidentally steps over a person (or people), it is sometimes standard to step backwards over them.
If one asks another person to see the ring, after taking it and observing carefully the ring must be placed onto the surface and be worn only after this.
One should not to shake hands or give something through a threshold.
It is considered taboo to give something that is broken or has a defect as a gift.
Before one takes an exam, someone else would say, "neither fur, nor feather!" which means good luck. To this, the one taking the exam would reply, "To the Devil!" which is a way of securing good luck.
Useful Russian superstitions
People around me do really believe that...
- If someone is not recognized when seen or heard, he or she will be rich. So if someone calls you on the phone and you don't recognize them you can cheer them up by telling them they'll be rich.
- If you have the hiccups, someone is remembering you at this moment. And if you guess the person right, it will stop.
- If your nose itches, you'll be drinking soon.
- If your ears or cheeks are hot, someone is thinking or talking about you (usually speaking ill).
- If someone sneezes while telling something, it means he or she is telling the truth.
- If you find a bay leaf in your soup while eating, it means you'll get mail from someone.
- If you wear clothes (such as an undershirt) inside out, you will get beaten. Your friend should point this out, wait for you to fix the clothes and then punch you symbolically.
- If you accidentally said something that you in reality do not want to happen (like "we may have an earthquake next week"), fix the situation by knocking three times over something wooden.
Funny winter "button accordion"
First, "button accordion" is "bayan" (colloquial) in Russian and this word is used when someone is telling one very old (in twitter time it could be an hour old) joke. Also we call it "joke with beard" but bayan is way more modern.
Second, I laughed at this text. Maybe you will, too.
>> +20 C - Greeks put on sweaters (if they can find them).
>> +15 C - Hawaiians turn on the heaters (if they have them).
>> +10 C - Americans shake, Russians are planting cucumbers .
>> +5 C - You can see your own breathing. Italian cars don't start.
>> Norwegians take a bath. Russians drive with lowered windows.
>> 0 C - Water freezes in America, in Russia it thickens.
>> -5 C- French cars don't start.
>> -10 C - You're planning a vacation to Australia.
>> -15 C- Your cat insists to sleep in your bed. Norwegians put on
>> sweaters.
>> -18 C - New York landlords turn on the heaters. Russians make their
>> last seasonal picnic.
>> -20 C - American cars don't start. People in Alaska start wearing
>> long-sleeves.
>> -25 C - German cars don't start. Hawaiians are dead.
>> -30 C - Politicians start talking about homeless people. Your cat
>> prefers to sleep in your pajamas.
>> -35 C - Too cold to think. Japanese cars don't start.
>> -40 C - You're planning a 2-week hot tub bath. Swedish cars don't
>> start.
>> -42 C - Transportation stops in Europe. Russians eat ice cream on the
>> street.
>> -45 C - All Greeks are dead. Politicians really start doing something
>> for the homeless.
>> -50 C - Your eyelids start sticking when you blink. In Alaska, people
>> close the window in the bathroom.
>> -60 C - White bears start moving south.
>> -70 C - Hell froze.
>> -73 C - Finnish special services evacuate Santa Claus from Lapland.
>> Russians wear earmuff hats.
>> -80 C - Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
>> -114 C - Ethyl alcohol is freezing. Russians are unhappy.
>> -273 C - Absolute zero, atomic movement stops. Russians wear boots.
>> -295 C - 90% of the planet is dead. Russian soccer team becomes the
>> world champion.
Second, I laughed at this text. Maybe you will, too.
>> +20 C - Greeks put on sweaters (if they can find them).
>> +15 C - Hawaiians turn on the heaters (if they have them).
>> +10 C - Americans shake, Russians are planting cucumbers .
>> +5 C - You can see your own breathing. Italian cars don't start.
>> Norwegians take a bath. Russians drive with lowered windows.
>> 0 C - Water freezes in America, in Russia it thickens.
>> -5 C- French cars don't start.
>> -10 C - You're planning a vacation to Australia.
>> -15 C- Your cat insists to sleep in your bed. Norwegians put on
>> sweaters.
>> -18 C - New York landlords turn on the heaters. Russians make their
>> last seasonal picnic.
>> -20 C - American cars don't start. People in Alaska start wearing
>> long-sleeves.
>> -25 C - German cars don't start. Hawaiians are dead.
>> -30 C - Politicians start talking about homeless people. Your cat
>> prefers to sleep in your pajamas.
>> -35 C - Too cold to think. Japanese cars don't start.
>> -40 C - You're planning a 2-week hot tub bath. Swedish cars don't
>> start.
>> -42 C - Transportation stops in Europe. Russians eat ice cream on the
>> street.
>> -45 C - All Greeks are dead. Politicians really start doing something
>> for the homeless.
>> -50 C - Your eyelids start sticking when you blink. In Alaska, people
>> close the window in the bathroom.
>> -60 C - White bears start moving south.
>> -70 C - Hell froze.
>> -73 C - Finnish special services evacuate Santa Claus from Lapland.
>> Russians wear earmuff hats.
>> -80 C - Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
>> -114 C - Ethyl alcohol is freezing. Russians are unhappy.
>> -273 C - Absolute zero, atomic movement stops. Russians wear boots.
>> -295 C - 90% of the planet is dead. Russian soccer team becomes the
>> world champion.
Weird phrases in Russian
Lately I've seen a couple of interesting things on the topic online somewhere in the social network deep. We laugh at these things ourselves but I guess it's worth laughing even from the foreigner point of view.
First, the children riddle. What word has three E in the row?
The answer is 'длинношеее', the adjective meaning 'one who has a long neck' and the neck is 'шея', spelling 'sheya'. No kid guesses right from the beginning. And it is really the only word having three E in succession.
Second, funny phrases.
'Косил косой косой косой' has three words which mean random things. This means 'the squint was mowing something with the skew scythe'. Or 'the rabbit was mowing something with the skew scythe' if you like this more because 'косой' can mean a lot of things. Ew.
'Пошли сходим' is not funny if you do not know Russian but if you do it is kinda weird: literally it's 'let's go to go' and in fact it's colloquial for 'let's go' only.
But the most exciting is 'Да нет' phrase. Or maybe 'Ну да'. Let's start with the former.
'Да' is yes and 'нет' is no but with a certain intonation (doubt or even mockery) 'Да нет' means 'I do not agree at all' and mostly is used in this way.
'Ну да' contains of 'ну' - well ('well' as starting a phrase and still thinking what to say) and 'да' - as you remember, this means 'yes'. OK, this one can BOTH mean 'OK, well, but I'm still not happy' (if you say it irresolutely) or 'do not even dream of it' (impudently or impatiently). The difference is in the intonation.
Third! There will be the third.
Meet Lewis Carroll who visited Russia and left the linguistic note in his diary. He wrote down the word 'defending' ('защищающихся') with transliteration. Are you ready?
'Zаshtshееshtshауоуshtshееkhsуа' it is.
First, the children riddle. What word has three E in the row?
The answer is 'длинношеее', the adjective meaning 'one who has a long neck' and the neck is 'шея', spelling 'sheya'. No kid guesses right from the beginning. And it is really the only word having three E in succession.
Second, funny phrases.
'Косил косой косой косой' has three words which mean random things. This means 'the squint was mowing something with the skew scythe'. Or 'the rabbit was mowing something with the skew scythe' if you like this more because 'косой' can mean a lot of things. Ew.
'Пошли сходим' is not funny if you do not know Russian but if you do it is kinda weird: literally it's 'let's go to go' and in fact it's colloquial for 'let's go' only.
But the most exciting is 'Да нет' phrase. Or maybe 'Ну да'. Let's start with the former.
'Да' is yes and 'нет' is no but with a certain intonation (doubt or even mockery) 'Да нет' means 'I do not agree at all' and mostly is used in this way.
'Ну да' contains of 'ну' - well ('well' as starting a phrase and still thinking what to say) and 'да' - as you remember, this means 'yes'. OK, this one can BOTH mean 'OK, well, but I'm still not happy' (if you say it irresolutely) or 'do not even dream of it' (impudently or impatiently). The difference is in the intonation.
Third! There will be the third.
Meet Lewis Carroll who visited Russia and left the linguistic note in his diary. He wrote down the word 'defending' ('защищающихся') with transliteration. Are you ready?
'Zаshtshееshtshауоуshtshееkhsуа' it is.
As Russian as it is
At the railway station: on the opened door is written "no entrance" and on the closed - "entrance".
We are ready for this nonsence because these things happen all the time (lack of interest in usability, absence of will to make nice things etc) but a foreigner could find this controversial and even could think it's been thought through.
It's not. That's the problem. It just happens.
Some pages from The Russian Course
I've seen these scans lately walking through RuNet (Russian part of internet) and decided to share them. They were taken from the language learning course for foreigners which was created in USSR. The material is both Soviet and cynical. The trolling of the political system should be hidden between the lines very well to pass the censors before the publishing. Writers used to hide the meanings inside both in fiction and non-fiction materials; double-layer was the most common and there could be even more: three, four - depending on experience and intelligence of a reader. So these pages are not only funny, but they show very well what people should write about and how they did it back in these days.Flowerbed or concrete mixer?
Some time ago we've got this nice and funny set of painted concrete mixers. You do smile when it is passing by...
Sixty-one
Well, I did found another"Things that make foreigners laugh in Russia" thingy. Check this out:
In the historical part of the city earlier each apartment has a part for "owners" and a part for servants. Second one was way uglier, smaller, darker and faced the yard.
Years after building those (mainly yellow) buildings, people found themselves living in the Soviet Russia. All the big, 8-room apartments were separated into pieces: one room for one family. You may be familiar with the "kommunalka" term.
After the Iron Curtain have fallen, people were buying rooms to have normal apartments (again). They glued rooms together, took down the walls...
Well, at the end of all the movement the numbers of these new apartments really went bananas. That's why we can see things like this. Sixty-first? Really?
Years after building those (mainly yellow) buildings, people found themselves living in the Soviet Russia. All the big, 8-room apartments were separated into pieces: one room for one family. You may be familiar with the "kommunalka" term.
After the Iron Curtain have fallen, people were buying rooms to have normal apartments (again). They glued rooms together, took down the walls...
Well, at the end of all the movement the numbers of these new apartments really went bananas. That's why we can see things like this. Sixty-first? Really?
Road signs
This is the first post from the group "Things that make foreigners laugh in Russia"!
As I see via image search, road signs are pretty the same in Russia and Ukraine. I found useful and beautiful website about road signs in Ukraine and one less nice about Russian ones, you can watch all the gallery there.
But here I will place only four nice pictures. They are real!
Wash your car here.
Please do not bring your cute vehicle here.
This place is really outstanding and we provide information about it.
(I saw this one in Ukraine, not Russia)
We do not like tractors anymore.
As I see via image search, road signs are pretty the same in Russia and Ukraine. I found useful and beautiful website about road signs in Ukraine and one less nice about Russian ones, you can watch all the gallery there.
But here I will place only four nice pictures. They are real!
Wash your car here.
Please do not bring your cute vehicle here.
This place is really outstanding and we provide information about it.
(I saw this one in Ukraine, not Russia)
We do not like tractors anymore.
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